In the annals of sports history, baseball (the only sport with which you could use the word “annals”) may be the closest pastime Americans have to religion—with statisticians performing monk-like exegeses on scorebooks and everyone repeating baseball quotes like scripture. Thus spoke Yogi.
And if there was ever a baseball season to remember and quote, we’re watching it now: 2020, baseball’s book of Revelations. (And thus the man called Fauci sent to deliver Earth from petulance let fly the first pitch and the name on the ball was death and Blue Jays home games followed with it.)
That’s right, it’s August and we’re now somehow officially halfway into the 2020 MLB season. The season had been downgraded (or, for some of us, upgraded) to only 60 games, because of—well, by now you know exactly why everything on planet Earth has changed—which is why at the midseason point we have teams boasting records that look more like extra-inning baseball scores than actual records: 14-16 (for the San Francisco Giants), 16-12 (for the Atlanta Braves), and, for the St. Louis Cardinals, just 10-8 (missing weeks due to a COVID outbreak will have that effect).
Some highlights so far: cardboard cut outs of fans looking uncanny AF, a giant teddy bear taking a foul ball to the head like an absolute champ, an MLB record for back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs, and whole lot of double headers yet to come. It’s gonna be a weird October.
We thought it would be a good time to pause and do some readings from Baseball holy works and prophets. Here are 30 baseball quotes. Some are real. Some are fiction. Some are probably a bit of both.
Let us begin with the Book of Yogi Proverbs. Brothers and sisters, remember:
“It ain’t over till it’s over.”
“You can observe a lot by just watching.”
“Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical.”
“I knew the record would stand until it was broken.”
“How can you think and hit at the same time?”
“You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.”
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
“In baseball, you don’t know nothing.”
Major League and other movies …
“Juuuuuust a bit outside.” ~ Harry Doyle, Major League
“He’ll need a rocket up his ass to catch that one; that baby’s out of here.” ~ Harry Doyle, Major League
“OK, we won a game yesterday. If we win today, it’s called “two in a row”. And if we win again tomorrow, it’s called a “winning streak”… It has happened before!” ~ Lou Brown, Major League II
“There’s no crying in baseball!” ~ Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own
“All I know is when we win a game, it’s team win. When we lose a game, it’s a team loss.” ~ Coach Morris Buttermaker, The Bad News Bears
“Legends never die.” ~ The Babe, The Sandlot
“How can you not get romantic about baseball?” ~ Billy Beane, Moneyball
Players, coaches, umpires, and fans
“Baseball was, is, and always will be the best game in the world to me.” ~ Babe Ruth
“Playing baseball for a living is like having a license to steal.” ~ Pete Rose
“Fans don’t boo nobodies.” ~ Reggie Jackson
“I think I was the best baseball player I ever saw.” ~ Willie Mays
“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” – Ted Williams
“It ain’t nothin’ till I call it.” ~ Umpire, Bill Klem
“A hot dog at the game beats roast beef at the Ritz.” ~ Humphrey Bogar
“Close doesn’t count in baseball. Close only counts in horseshoes and grenades.” ~ Frank Robinson
“Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona.” ~ George Will
“Baseball is like church. Many attend, but few understand.” ~ Leo Ernest Durocher
“Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball.” ~ Jacques Barzun
“There are only two seasons: winter and baseball.” ~ Bill Veeck, Jr.
“People ask me what I do in the winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.” ~ Rogers Hornsby
Dr. Anthony Fauci
“I completely destroyed my arm!”
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